Friday, 30 July 2010

Do Jihad by helping your parents.- Islam

Rights of Parents (and Duties of children)
Islam recognizes family as a basic social unit. Along with the husband-wife relationship the Parent-child relationship is the most important one. To maintain any social relationship both parties must have some clear-cut Rights as well as obligations. The relationships are reciprocal. Duties of one side are the Rights of the other side. So in Parent-child relationship the Rights of parents are the obligations (duties) of the children and vice versa, the Rights of children are obligations (duties) of parents. Islam clearly defines the Rights of Parents (which mean duties of children) and obligations of parents (which mean Rights of children).

Allah is our Creator and it was through our parents that He created us. This is the reason why He has given so many rights to the parents. It is stated, “Allah has ordered that do not worship anyone but Him and be dutiful towards your parents.”


Hazrat ibn Abbas narrates from the Prophet that a person whose parents are alive and he obeys them, listens to and respects them, then,of Paradise for him. But if one of his parents is not happy with him, then Allah will not be happy with him either. Then someone asked the Prophet, “Even if they are oppressors?” The Prophet replied, “Yes, even if they are oppressors.”


It is said, a person who disobeys his parents, or disrespects them and does not listen to them, Allah will open two doors of hell for him. And if he disrespects only one of them, then Allah will only open one door of hell for him.


Helping your parents is better then performing Jihad. Abdullah ibn Umar R.A. narrates that a person came to the Prophet saw and said, “I have intentions of going on Jihad.” The Prophet asked him, ‘Are any of your parents alive?’ He replied, ‘Yes.’ The Prophet said, ‘Do Jihad by helping your parents.’ From this we can gather how important parents really are.


A man came to the Prophet and asked him, ‘My mother is very old. I feed her with my hands and I help her do ablution and I sit her down on my shoulders. Have I done enough to repay her for the things she has done for me?’ The Prophet said, ‘No. You have not even repaid he a bit. But Allah will give you a small amount of deeds for what you have done.’ Such is the value and status of a mother and this is because nothing can compensate for the chores she has born for her child since pregnancy to his upbringing.


Bahys ibn Hakim said that he heard from his grandfather, that he had asked the Prophet, ‘Who should I do a good turn?’ The Prophet replied, ‘Your mother.’ His grandfather once more asked the Prophet, ‘Who shall I do a good turn?’ The Prophet said, ‘Your mother.’ His grandfather repeated the question a third time. The Prophet said, ‘Your mother.’ After repeating the question for the fourth time, the Prophet replied, ‘Then your father and then in order, your relatives.’

 Ibn Abbas. (R.A.)  said, ‘At the time of the Prophet, there was a young man named Alkamah. He used to work very hard and give his earnings to charity. One day he became very ill. His wife sent a message to the Prophet. The Prophet sent Bilal R.A, Ali R.A, Suleiman R.A. and Amar R.A. with these words, ‘See how he is.’ They went and found that he was indeed very ill and close to death. They spent some time trying to make him read the Kalimah, but something was holding him back. Hazrat Bilal R.A. returned to tell the Prophet about his condition. The Prophet asked, ‘Are his parents alive?’ Bilal replied, ‘His father has passed away, but his mother is still alive.’ The Prophet told Bilal to call his mother and if she couldn't come then the Prophet would come to her. As soon as Alkamah mother heard, she grabbed her walking stick and came right away. She did Salaam and the Prophet returned it and asked, ‘Tell me truthfully, if you don't, then I will learn by revelation. What sort of deeds did your son do?’ She told the Prophet that he was a very pious man that he used to read prayers consistently, fast constantly and give alms abundantly. The Prophet asked her how he was with her. She said, ‘I am upset with him. Instead of me, he gives preference to his wife. He used to disobey me and listened to his wife. The Prophet said to her, ‘Your displeasure has stopped Alkamah from reciting the Kalimah.’ The Prophet then ordered his Companions to gather some wood and to burn him. The mother asked whether they were really going to burn her son in front of her? The Prophet told her, ‘Allah's punishment is much greater. If you want Allah to forgive Alkamah, you must first forgive him yourself. His praying, fasting and alms-giving will do him no good.’ His mother raised her hands and said, ‘I have forgiven him.’ The Prophet sent Bilal to check on Alkamahh. He was reading the Kalimah. Alkamahh died that very day. The Prophet arranged his funeral and led his Janazah. After that he stood up and addressed the people. ‘The person who prefers his wife rather then his mother, Allah’s curse is upon him. His faraaidh and nawafil will not be accepted.’

It is clear that after Allah parents are the persons who give us innumerable favors. They provide protection, food and clothing to the newly born. The mother sacrifices her comforts and sleep to provide comfort to her children. The father works hard to provide for their physical, educational and psychological (and spiritual) needs. It is a matter of common courtesy that if a person does you some favor you feel obliged to him. Verbally you say ‘thank you’ to him. You try to repay and compensate him for his gifts and favors. You feel a sense of gratitude towards him. So it is with Allah and with parents. Allah’s favors cannot be counted or repaid except by thanking Him and obeying His orders. After Allah our parents deserve our thanks and obedience for the favors they had done us. That’s why Quran lays stress on feeling grateful to parents, and doing (good) well to them. “And your Lord has ordained that you shall worship none save Him and shall do your parents a good turn.” What does a ‘good turn’ mean? It includes obeying them, speaking softly, avoiding harsh words or harsh tone, giving them company when they are lonely, caring for their physical and psychological needs (especially in their old age), and praying to Allah that He may bless them and have mercy on them.

As to the reward for doing well to our parents a Hadith mentions the following story: “Three persons of ancient days were once traveling in a mountainous region. The rain, thunder and lightning made them take refuge in a cave. Mudslide made a stone block the opening to the cave. The persons were entrapped inside. When the storm stopped they tried to push back the heavy stone to get out of the cave but they could not. They wondered ‘what to do now’. At last seeing that their joint efforts also cannot move the stone they decided to pray to Allah sincerely. One of them suggested, ‘each one of us should relate one good thing he has done in his life and beg Allah to move the stone. One said, “One night my old mother asked me to bring a cup of milk for her. During the time I milked the goat and brought it to her she had gone to sleep. I did not think it proper to disturb her. So I stood by her bedside for the whole night till she got up in the morning and then I offered her the cup of milk. O God, if this act of mine was approved by you please shift this stone.” The stone slipped a little but not enough to let them get out. Similarly, the second and the third man mentioned an act of goodness and prayed to God to shift the stone. The stone slipped down and the entry to the cave opened up. So the men got out. This story shows how service to one’s parents leads to blessings from God and rescue from troubles. Now let us summarize the Rights of Parents (Duties of children):

(1) Right to be respected and obeyed:
Parents have a right to be respected and obeyed by children. All parents are well wishers of children. They issue orders and instructions that are in the best interest of children (though children might think otherwise). So it is the duty of children to obey their orders and act accordingly. Some children listen to parental orders but do not act upon these or show laziness in carrying out these orders. This causes annoyance to parents. Children should remember that annoying one’s parents can lead to God’s wrath.

(2) Right to scold and rebuke:
It is instinctive obligation of parents to protect their children from physical and moral harm. If a small child puts its hand in fire it is natural urge for you to push the child back, even if the child does not want. It is in child’s interest. So it is with parents. They are duty bound to protect their children in every way, physical, intellectual, moral. If the children have a temptation to do an act that is not in their long-term interest it is the duty of the parents to keep them back from that act or behavior. To this end they may resort to advice, rebuke, scolding, even hitting them. Good children should take all this ‘harshness’ in their own interest. If parents scold them they should bear it calmly. No rude replies, no arguing, no explanations, no comments unless asked for. Parental advice should be listened to and acted upon, even if against children’s own wishes.

(3) Right to be looked after.
Parents have looked after the children for decades. So it is the duty of grown-up children to repay them by way of caring for them and looking to their physical and financial needs. A Quranic verse says: “People ask you (O Prophet) how they should spend. Say, ‘whatever you spend should be spent on Allah (in good cause), on parents, near relatives, on orphans, destitute and travelers (who fall short of money in foreign lands)”.

(4) Right to be helped:
As parents grow old their energies also decline. So it is the duty of children to help their parents in any household chore in which they can help. Sons can help in lifting heavy things, cleaning home, arranging things etc. Daughters can help in mother’s household work—cooking, washing, cleaning, serving food etc. With good children such help should come automatically, not when asked for. Whenever you see your mother or father doing something extend a helping hand to her/him without their asking. This is what Islam expects from children.

(5) Right to kind words/good behavior:
Quran urges children to be soft-spoken towards parents and show respect and kindness in their behavior towards parents.
Unfortunate as it is, the Western societies have forgotten these lessons. Young children are rude towards parents and show disobedience. As the parents grow old they drive them out from their homes and put them in “Senior Citizens Homes”. Grown up children cannot spare time to attend to the needs of old parents. The busy Western life has led to a break-up of the family unit (so much upheld in Islam). As Muslims we expect our children to adhere to Islamic values and show respect, obedience, kindness, leniency and care towards parents, especially in their old age. Children must not forget the favors and sacrifices of their parents. As good mannered persons they must feel and remain obliged towards parents and try to repay them by kind words and deeds, even with money and material needs. These are the Rights of Parents due from their children (or the Duties of Children towards parents). These Rights and obligations are not found in Islam only. Such values are to be found in all true religions. Quran mentions Hazrat Yahyaa (John the Baptist) as “kind towards his parents, not tough and disobedient”. Similarly Hazrat Isa (Jesus) is quoted saying to his people, “God made me kind towards my mother (Mary) and did not make me tough and disobedient”. Hazrat Yusuf (Joseph), as a royal Minister in Egypt, called his old, poor parents from their far off home and offered them seats on a high platform (he did not feel shy of behaving in a kind manner to poor parents in the presence of his officials).

Both a father and a mother play an intricate role in raising the child but the mother's role is an exceptional one. Islam doesn't take this role lightly; rather there are numerous hadiths in which the Prophet gave superiority to the mother. Not because a mother's role is better than a father's but rather because mother's role are unique to only a women which cannot be performed by a father. A mother holds her baby in her womb for nine months and bares the agonizing childbirth and yet welcomes this pain with joy upon arrival of her baby. The mother spends more time with the children and spends the whole day with them performing such tasks as bathing, feeding, helping them with their homework, taking them to different activities, attending school conferences, listens to problems and performs endless duties that a child or children may demand.

Have we ever thought why the Prophet offered a daughter or son a short cut to Jannah through the obedience to his/her mother? Since the child spends most of the day with his mother, a mother has a profound influence in the upbringing of the child and is responsible for a safe and secure environment at home, free of any verbal or physical abuse. A mother is full of sacrifices: she neglects her sleep time, eating time or even bathing time. It has been said, that women are half the ummah, and they raise the other half. Allah gives a woman a soft tender nature and nurturing quality that no other human being can exhibit. However, we are human beings after all, and can snap anytime, man or women, given a frustrating situation. For example, a tired mother who has, after struggling for two hours, finally managed to put her two kids to sleep, is also in the process of cooking, doing laundry may be more prone to anger if her third child decides to jump on the bed. May be out of frustration and anger scream at him or in the extreme case hit him. However, there is no excuse for violence, especially with young children.

Before a certain age, the kids don't exhibit the same understanding and receptive minds as an adult. Thus a wise person should utilize other approaches rather than beating/hitting to discipline a child. The Prophet never encouraged beating. He trained and guided his sahabas with politeness and wisdom to become the best generation. How can one expect a child under the age of understanding to respond to violence positively? Beating a child is hardly ever a proper approach. Violence only aggravates the situation further, and makes the child responsive only to violence and embeds this evil act in their personality. Prophet was against violence. As a child, Aisha (r) was often busy with her play and was sometimes a little naughty. This provoked rebuke and sometimes even a slight beating from her mother. However, the Prophet was against any punishment and told her mother about as much. One day he found Aisha sobbing, standing beside the door. Upon this, the Prophet said to the mother "You have not cared for my request, Umm-Ruman." "She carries tales against me to her father," was the explanation from her mother. "No matter what she does," said the Prophet, "she should have no beating.

"Be a good role model: By practicing gentleness and politeness yourself as parents, you will raise kids who are gentle, obedient and polite in their demeanor. Salats, Saums are important but it is also important to have a good Muslim character. One might force a young child to pray by beating but he or she as a parent has also neglected to teach them proper Islamic Ikhlas and Adhab. As stated in one of the hadith: "If Allah wills well for the people of a household, He guides them to be gentle".

Control your anger. Try to control your anger by following the steps taught by Prophet: sitting down first and then laying down or by making Wudu. Don't raise your voice with children. This is hard to do especially when the mother is angry. “But with practice). Self-control, and anger controlling techniques prescribed by the Sunnah, this can be approached.

Reason with them first. Before any punishment or "time-out" is ordered, reason with them first. Kids are smarter then we think and do respond well to reasoning or explanations if they are presented in a polite and gentle manner.

Punishment: Beating as a punishment at this age should not be an option. Punishment should be in the non-verbal or non-beating form. For example: taking something away from your kids such as their toys for a day. Pick something that they use on regular basis so they will miss its absence and thus, will be more prone to change their behavior.

Consistency: lack of consistency in parent's actions, is usually one of the biggest culprits that results in child repeating the act of disobedience. No matter what punishment you choose, the parents have to exhibit tough love in order to achieve a long-term positive change in the kid’s behavior.

Flexibility and Playtime: As parents we should also learn how and when to be flexible. All the parents' time should not be devoted to disciplining the child. As matter of fact, constant scolding can actually make the child more immune and stubborn. So have the time set with your kids that actually involve you physically in playing and goofing around. With the playtime with your kids, they will know you are the authority figure while realizing that you are also their friend.

Let’s assumes that the mother spends most of the time with her children; however the rest of the time she spends with the father. Thus the father bares the same responsibility for providing the child with a safe environment. "Indeed Allah is gentle and love gentleness, and gives due to gentleness that which He does not give to harshness."

CORRUPT VS PURE: Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness and a provision honorable. (Holy Quran 24:26)

Believe it or not, we are living in a society where having a good secular education and a good career is seen as the symbol of so-called success. In the last couple of decades, we have been witnessing a huge change in how people see their hopes and aspirations. The pace of life has become really fast, in fact super-fast. Hardy anybody seems to have time to ponder upon the changes and perhaps most importantly, the effect it has on our lives. We are living in a consumer-driven society where what we can afford is more important then what we really need to be happy and satisfied with our life. Logos and brands are seen as very vital possessions to acquire. In order to afford all the glitz and glamour, we all are busy in earning as much money as possible. Thus, due to this material obsession we tend to forget our real goal in life which is to follow and obey the commands of our Creator.

Islam does not distinguish between male and female with regard to the education requirements. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “Whoever has a daughter, tutors her on good morals, educates her well and feeds her properly; she will be a protection for him from Hell-Fire.”

WHO deserves my love and care most in the world? A man asked the Prophet Muhammad (saw), upon him blessings and peace. "Your mother," the Prophet Muhammad (saw) replied on the spot. "And who else?" "Your mother," the Prophet Muhammad (saw) repeated. "And then who?" insisted the man. "Your mother," the Prophet Muhammad (saw) said a third time. "And then?" "Then your father." Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated it.

The Quran in several places commands filial piety but its focus is on the mother: "We have enjoined goodness upon man concerning his parents. His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness ..." (Surah Luqman, verse 14), "We have commended unto man kindness toward parents. His mother bears him with reluctance." (Surah- al-Ahqaf, no 46). The Quranic archetype of the pious son has no father but only a most distinguished mother the Prophet 'Isa A.S. (Jesus), upon him peace, who describes himself as "dutiful toward her who bore me and not arrogant, unblessed" (Surah Maryam, verse 32).

It is in light of the above emphases in the Quran and hadith that we better understand the generic "parents" in other verses, such as "Worship none save Allah, and be good to parents" (Surah al-Baqara 83) the first two Commandments of the Decalogue, also common to Christians and Jews and that we can say Islam, second to its Theo centrism, is areocentric as well.

In the hadith, the archetype of the pious son is the Yemeni herdsman Uways al-Qarani, who sought permission from his mother before visiting Madinah to see the Prophet Muhammad (saw), only to find the latter away on a trip, whereupon Uways, broken-hearted but bound to filial duty with hoops of steel, returned without further delay to Yemen and resumed caring for his mother. Later, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) told his Companions of Uways' superlative rank among the Just and told them he would be a major intercessor on the Day of Judgment. Indeed, filial piety comes before even Jihad in importance, as shown in the many hadiths.

The Prophet of Allah himself never got to enjoy the company of his parents, having lost his father just before birth and his mother a few months after. One of the most touching scenes of the Sira or Prophet (saw) Biography shows him standing wordless at her grave, weeping profusely, surrounded by a large group of hushed riding-companions, all of them weeping at his sight.

Mawlana Jalaluddin Rumi -"Everything in this world is a mother, each unaware of the birth pangs of the other." It is a measure of the Prophet Muhammad (saw)'s consciousness that when he saw by the wayside, in one of his military campaigns, a mother of pups with its new litter, he stopped and posted a guard by its side to make sure none of the troops marching in his wake harmed it. I have no knowledge of any other civilization in which its key figure stops his marching army and reassigns troops to ensure a dog is protected from harm.

Another time, pointing to a woman cradling her child near a bonfire, the Prophet of Allah told his Companions: "Can any of you imagine this woman throwing her baby into this fire? Yet your Creator has more mercy and compassion for His creatures." Compare these two paradigms to the fascist Spartan and bloodthirsty Easterners of yesterday and today; then wonder how far we Muslims and the rest of the world still have to go to absorb the motherly model of the Prophet Muhammad (saw), who possessed the most virile soul of any who ever walked the earth.

On the contrary, we seem to be going the other way fast. From the Subcontinent to Iran and the Arab world, the matrix of reverence, gentleness, good humor, balance, patient wisdom, and basic human justice with which the Prophet Muhammad (saw) had single-handedly superseded brute patriarchy, has just about disappeared. Worse yet, these regions now witness a descent into sexist violence of such unprecedented repugnance as even the pre-Islamic pagans make that the Cro-Magnons would find blood-curdling. Goya's horrific "Saturn devouring his sons" has become true of our brethren devouring our mothers and sisters. How "arrogant, unblessed"!

Yet a more memorable passage of the Mathnavi is Rumi’s quip about the mother: "What did you call her? Your sweet heart? She is a creator!” Almost  uncreated!"

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) said that women totally dominate men of intellect and possessors of hearts.

But ignorant men dominate women, for they are shackled by an animal ferocity.

They have no kindness, gentleness or love, since animality dominates their nature.

Love and kindness are human attributes; anger and sensuality belong to the animals.

She is the radiance of God; she is not "your beloved". She is a creator you could say that she is not created.

Another Persian poet, Iradj Mirza (d 1926) wrote this moving poetic verse about his mother: "Staying awake, she taught me even how to sleep."

So the mother is at the heart of Islam on several levels: literally and legally, but also poetically and mystically as a reminder of Allah Most High.

She is also there historically and symbolically in the persons of the Prophet Muhammad (saw)'s wives, as the Quran says: "The Prophet Muhammad (saw) is closer to the believers than their selves, and his wives are as their mothers" (Surah al-Ahzab 6).

Of all the Mothers of the Believers, it is Lady Khadij R.A., the Prophet Muhammad (saw)'s first wife and 15 years his senior, whom he loved and revered the most, and who gave him several daughters, among them Lady Fatima R.A., the woman through whom his noble bloodline survives from East to West to this day.

All of our mothers were scholars or craftswomen or merchants as well. The early Muslims describe Lady Aisha R.A. in glowing terms as the most knowledgeable woman in the history of mankind and this is true, because she was not only the longest (with Sawdah R.A.) but also the youngest and most intellectually gifted spouse of the Prophet Muhammad (saw)

Etymologically also, the mother is central to Islam in many important ways. The Arabic word for mother, umm, is the root of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) attribute of ummi, all-too-hastily translated "unlettered"; it is also at the root of the substantive which denotes Muslim Dom through the ages, ummah a word also used for religion and, indeed, any living community including birds and bees. It is also homonymic with amma, "to guide and lead", from which comes the word imam.

 Rum’s representation of the mother of the Prophet Musa (Moses) A.S., raised in Pharaoh's pagan court far from the Temple, as the archetype of human perfection giving birth to the Man of God, not unlike Meister Elkhart’s quasi-Islamic (but, to Christians, unorthodox) interpretation of the conception of the fatherless but Synagogue-imbued Christ in Mary.

However, it is the Prophet Muhammad (saw), upon him and all the Prophet Muhammad (saw)s peace, who is the jewel in the crown of such filial God-dependency, being the most completely deprived of the two normal means of human upbringing _ parents and schooling.

An unschooled orphan, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) was raised by God Himself. Like a baby latching on to none other than his mother who is his whole world, ummi stands for Prophet Muhammad (saw)'s utter dependency on Allah as an incarnate proof of his God-given Prophet hood. The Ummah's own relationship to its Prophet Muhammad (saw) is in every way identical. So is, at a third remote, the congregation's relationship to its imam: "Al-Shafi' is like the sun giving light and warmth to the people," Ahmad ibn Hanbal would say. "Our teachers are our spiritual parents, they give us birth in the hereafter," wrote al-Nawawi. So we can say, in Romanesque fashion, that our Prophet is our mother, our religion is our mother, our community is our mother, and our teachers are our mothers.

As you treat your parents, so do expect to be treated in your old age. Each knows exactly how they would like their own children to treat them when they become old. This is why any time is good to pause and ponder not how to repay our mothers and fathers, for that would be impossible, but how to meet at least some of our obligations toward them. Perhaps, past experience of Divine generosity gives us hope we shall not be labeled Stone-Hearted in the Book of Life. As a certain man was circumambulating the resplendent Kaabah in pilgrimage carrying his mother on his back he met his teacher and asked: "Teacher! Have I repaid my debt to her?" The teacher only replied: "I hope."
A woman's best Jewelry is her Shyness. -Fatima Zahra (R.A)

Nice girls are with Hijaab. - Prophet Muhammad (saw)

The beauty of a woman:
Is not in the clothes she wears,
the figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair,
or the style she does make up.
The beauty of a woman:
Must be seen in her Hijaab, and her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman:
Is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman,
Is reflected in her soul.
The beauty of woman is in her modesty.
And the real glamour of her is her honesty.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows.
And the beauty of a woman,
With passing years - only grows!

And the paradise is under the feet of your mothers. - Prophet Muhammad (saw)
The Parent's Consent for Jihad

"Have fun praying and getting ready for the Day of Judgment coz that day will NOT be fun :) P.S.: don’t forget to make dua for me.


家唐銘 said...


Anonymous said...


Kattila-Mauri said...


This is great blog.
Do you know any sources of these hadith's, which collection are they from?