Sunday, 24 February 2013

Practicing Muslim men and women are Struggling to Get Married

    The best greeting I can start with is the greeting of Islam, and the greeting of Islam is peace.

So, peace and mercy be upon you.
A’udhu Billaahi minash shaytánir rajeem.
Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim, Al hamdu lillaahi Rabbil 'Aalameen. Was salatu was Salamu alá Ashraf IL mursaleen.
Sayyidina WA Nabi’na wamoulanaa Muhammadin wa’ alá aalihee WA Sahbihee wasallam.         

Practicing Muslim men and women are struggling to find suitable partners in U.K.
     Why Practicing Muslim men and women are are having a hard time finding someone to spend the rest of their life with.
The Big question is why?
Marriage is very important for Muslims, and Muslims are generally very family oriented.
This ideal can be traced in the Hadith, “Marriage is half of religion.”
The traditional structure for finding a partner is falling apart as it is no longer accepted by younger Muslims.
However, this structure has not been replaced by something else,
And now many young educated European Muslims find themselves in a situation where they cannot get married at all.
Different reasons seem to be holding each one back respectively, but the end result of sadness and confusion is usually the same?
So many family's and friends are looking and looking but cannot find anyone.
For many Muslims, the process of finding a spouse can sometimes prove challenging and frustrating.
 During this time not only do brothers and sisters have to wrestle with their own personal quirks,
But they also have expectations about the potential mates they are considering.
.Finding a spouse is difficult for educated career-focused Muslim men and women who may not have
Had many contacts with other Muslims but now is a difficulty for most in the UK as many men are looking to find wives overseas.Why?

Main problem...
The main problem is the lack of service in the Masjid regarding marriage.
A simple idea would be to have a box where people looking to get married can post their contact details
And a description about themselves along with brief details on what sort of spouse they are looking for/want to avoid.
Filling out a guided form may even be a better idea.
There is a problem with the system - there are no links in the community,
The Masjid doesn’t have any services set up and if they do there aren't enough efforts being exerted.
Most secure way to find someone to marry was to consult friends in a sort of personal networking,
A method considered acceptable for women as well.
 In this networking, other married couples play a key role, as they could transmit information across gender barriers, so to speak.
This kind of networking also worked in Islamic organizations.
What the Mosque should offer:
The mosque should provide an introduction service for Muslims of all ages and ethnic backgrounds.
Clients should be able to find their ideal partner via the mosque's Marriage Bureau.
 Volunteers using a database of registered prospective partners and initiated meetings.
The mosque should also provide marriage registration services cementing partnerships according to Islamic and civil matrimony.
The mosque should be linked with the Registrar of marriages for conducting legally recognized civil Muslim marriages and issues certificates on behalf of the Registrar.
Mosque should have a Muslim Marriage Events Day
 Mosque should also arrange Muslim Marriage Events, at least one in a month.
These events can be to be very effective and quick way of finding suitable marriage partners.
  i.e . . . . Individuals normally come with their family members or "Mehrams" and have one to one meeting with the prospects.
Additionally, university Islamic societies could also organize matchmaking in this way
Or set up a forum on their website which is moderated.
Each person could be identified, for security purposes, by their student ID card number
And they could look through profiles of those available for marriage.
Men as well as Women are sitting around waiting on parents or not knowing where to go.
If the ones who are married already could help would be nice but everyone's busy.
There are definitely a lot of good people out there,
Just got to find a system that will help people connect and spread info about those who are searching.

There are many different ways of finding a spouse.
 Many people prefer to go through the recommendations of family members.
However, if your family is unable to help in this process, then you are perfectly entitled to take your own initiative.
1. Ask your married friends if their husbands know of any single brothers.
Make sure you let your friends know what you are looking for in a spouse.
2. It is also fine to meet someone through school or work
Or a community gathers as long as the parameters of modest behavior are observed.
 If you meet someone you would like to discuss marriage with, just arrange for the brother to meet your Wali or family.
3. There are several online matrimonial sites where you can look for potential suitors.
I can't vouch for each and every website.
A note of caution about online matrimonial: The nature of cyberspace lends itself to anonymity.
 It's very easy for people to misrepresent themselves online.
Trust your instincts. If you feel that something's not right with someone,
Then don't pursue discussions with them.
Never give out your personal information.
Once you feel that someone has potential, get that person in touch with your Wali or family.
Make sure that your Wali or family thoroughly checks this person out before you proceed with the first meeting.
And always insist that the potential suitor provide references.
This advice applies to whoever you meet, whether it's through a website or at school or work or anything else.

As to methods of communication, this depends on what you feel comfortable with.
If you find someone through an online matrimonial, I believe that initial communication will proceed via email.
You may want to correspond with the person through email before you decide to meet.
Once you feel like this person really has potential,
 Then it's important to arrange a face-to-face meeting in the presence of your Wali or family members.
It is entirely up to you how often and for how long you meet.
A short meeting where everyone introduces themselves
And establishes common ground may be better than a long meeting at first.
If you both decide that you'd like to meet again, then you can have longer meetings to discuss issues of importance.

           Once again, it's important to consider two things:
1. Always meet in the presence of your Wali or family members.
This is for your protection. Your father is your natural Wali, or guardian.
If he doesn't want to take this role, then I would suggest your grandfather, brother, or uncle.
If none are available, then it is imperative that you ask a pious, mature brother from the community to act as your Wali.
Once you find a potential suitor, make sure to direct him to your Wali.

2. If you correspond via email or talk on the phone, make sure that your conversations are reflective of Islamic propriety.
Once you feel attracted to each other and are quite sure you want to marry,
 Then I would suggest that you cut down emailing and phone conversations.
This is better for both of you in terms of Adab.
At this point, it is better to have serious meetings in the presence of your chaperone to hash out the final details of the wedding.

Also we should remind ourselves whilst searching
And making efforts that Allah will reward those who seek the good for His pleasure Insh’Allah.
Sabr, Du'a and Tawakkul in Allah; Insh’Allah a way will be created in finding the right one.
             As per our knowledge, there is no specific verse or chapter that brings someone love.
But, it is proved in Sunnah that increased supererogatory acts such as prayers, fasting,
And making Hajj and Umra, bring the love of Allah, His angels and other people.
 Imam al-Bukhari narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) said:
"My slave keeps on coming closer to Me through performing Nafal (praying or doing extra deeds besides what is obligatory) till I love him.
When I love him I become his sense of hearing with which he hears,
And his sense of sight with which he sees,
And his hand with which he grips, and his leg with which he walks;
And if he asks Me, I will give him, and if he asks My protection (Refuge), I will protect him; (i.e. give him My Refuge) ".
It is also narrated in a narration from Abu Hurairah that the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) said:
"If Allah loves a person, He calls Gabriel saying: 'Allah loves so and so; O Gabriel, love him'. Gabriel would love him,
And then Gabriel would make an announcement among the residents of the Heaven, 'Allah loves so and so,
 Therefore, you should love him also'. So, all the residents of the Heavens would love him
And then he is granted the pleasure of the people of the earth".
Every believing woman's wish is to have a good husband.
So asking for such a husband is not prohibited.
It is a kind of blessing; thus a woman can ask for it. Allah mentioned the Du'a of pious people in Qur'an saying:
"And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes,
And make us leaders for the Muttaqoon""[25:74].
Therefore, if a woman wants a good husband, she has to seek him through legal ways in Shariah.
The first place of those ways is seeking refuge with Allah, supplicating Him.
Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {I respond to the invocations of the supplicant
When he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor).}[2:186].
He also Says: {and your Lord said: "Invoke Me, [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism)] (and ask Me for anything) I will respond to your (invocation).}[40:60].
Supplicating Allah to gain goodness was the practice of Prophets and Messengers.
Prophet Zakariyah (Alayhi Salaam) was an old man and desired to have a child, so he asked Allah supplicating:
"…since my wife is barren. So give me from yourself an heir, "[19:5].
Prophet Younus (Alayhi Salaam) did the same when a big fish swallowed him, he said:
"Laa ilaha illa Anta [none has the right to be worshipped but You (O Allah)], Glorified (and Exalted) are You [above all that (evil) they associate with You]. Truly, I have been of the wrong-doers."[21:87].
So, you have to do likewise; make Du'a and ask help from Allah.
Then ask the pious you know to help you search for a good husband.
Surely you will get what you desire, Insha Allah.
Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {…And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him,
He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. … [Qur’an:  [65:2, 3].
Know that blessing of Allah can not be obtained except through His obedience.

I don't think this problem will ever come to an end until and unless
 We come back to the teachings of our Master the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam)
 He commanded the men to look for pious girl.
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons:
Her wealth, her lineage (family status), her beauty or her religious commitment; Choose the one who is religious and you will prosper.”
{Sahih Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith Number 27
Her wealth is Iman and Modesty.
Her Linage is Islam
Her Beauty is obedient and loyalty
Her religion is Qur’an and Hadith.

So it is high time, the community takes up this issue.
Pro-active role is needed from parents, Mosque, activists and intellectuals to tackle the issue.
If a conscious effort is made, this issue can be solved.

The Benefactor and Ya Allah, I ask of you (or I seek refuge with You),
By Your Beautiful Names and Your Magnificent/Great Attributes! Ya Allah,
 Originator of the heavens and the earth,
The ever living, the Self-subsisting
 Lord of Majesty, Bounty and Honor, Look towards us! Look towards us!
Look towards us! Through Your Mercy,
The Most Merciful of the Merciful. Ya Rab of the Worlds.
“Ya Allah, I invoke You with all of Your beautiful Names.
May Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’aala bless us and keep us steadfast in the path of Righteousness.
Ya Allah, nothing is easy except what you've made easy,
 If you wish you can make the difficult easy.
“My Lord! Truly, I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!''
Allahumma laa sahla 'illa maal ja'altahu sahlan wa 'Anta taj'alul-hazna 'ithaa shi'ta sahlan.
Ya Allah, there is no ease other than what You make easy. If You please You ease sorrow.
Ya Allah, the Wise, the Bestower of Wisdom

My friends Dua's are defined as any invocation or prayer addressed to Almighty ALLAH Subhanahu WA Ta’aala (GOD).
Through Dua, we strengthen our faith and our relationship with Almighty ALLAH Subhanahu WA Ta’aala (GOD).
We find many reassurances throughout the Qur’an for those who make Dua.
Allah the Exalted, has said: "And your Lord says: Pray unto me: and I will hear your prayer" (Qur’an 40:60)

 Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam), said:
“If you trust Allah with right kind of Tawakkul,
He will provide you sustenance as He provides for the birds –
They go out in the morning with empty stomachs
And come back in the evening with full stomachs.” (Hadith in Al-Tirmidhi)

Any good is from Almighty Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’aala (GOD) & the mistakes were from me.
   Please pray for me and ask Almighty Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’aala (GOD) to forgive me.
  May Almighty Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’aala (GOD) guide all of us to His Truth?
  May Allah Subhanahu wata`aalaa grant us what is best in this world and the next!
  Action speaks louder then words my friend’s practice Islam the way of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) did.
  May Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’aala (GOD) help us to do that which He loves and which pleases Him?
  May Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’aala (GOD) make our efforts sincere and keep us all on the straight path...........
             Feel free to Share the information here with everyone you know,
             And earn Sawab-e-Jariya... (Sadqah Jariya)
             May Almighty Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’aala make it a source of Sawab-e-Jariya for YOU and me     .Ameen?
                                ..... P.S.: "Have fun praying don’t forget to make Dua for me"...


Anonymous said...

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Unknown said...

I not really agree, everything in life is decreed by Allah. If it's not your time it will be not happened no matter what you do. Yes, you need to search but if its not your time..forget it.

Marriage is decreed and Allah knows when and how it will be proceed. If you are not yet married, it can be a trial/test to see how your sabr will be during your single-dom.

So be open and searhed for a spouse when the time is right you will get married.

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