When They Sacrificed Everything for You, (Part 2

When They Sacrificed Everything for You, (Part 2)

Still blogging on muslim parents .(MUM and DAD)

Help me to be a better parent.

Forbid that I should ever punish my parents, for my selfish satisfaction.

May I grant them all their wishes that are reasonable and have the courage?

Always to withhold a privilege which I know will do them harm. Make me so fair and just, so considerate and companionable to my parents, that they will have a genuine esteem for me.

Fit me to be loved and imitated by my children

When was the last time you told your parents how sorry you are for the troubles you have caused in the past?

When was the last time you told your parents how grateful you are just for being their children?

When was the last time you looked at your parents and said in your heart, "Thank Allah (God) for these people"?

Oh! People, much can be said about the verses in the Qur’an and the hadith of the Prophet Salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam about treating the parents. But I want to mention an aspect that perhaps some of us have not appreciated. It is a psychological aspect, it is an aspect that I only came to realize when I became a parent, and so I primarily talk to those who are not yet parent, or are still new parents: you will not understand the love that a parent has for a child until you yourself have you own child.

You will NEVER understand that it means to love somebody until you become a parent. You will never understand it. You never ever have a relationship; have a feeling for any human being, like you do for your son or daughter.

No matter who that person is – many of you who are still young, you have this idealistic concept of loving the opposite gender and getting married to them – ask anybody who’s gone beyond that stage. Ask anybody who knows that truth – that type of love, it is a selfish love. Why is it a selfish love? Because you want something back in return. It is a love of give and take – it is a love of fights along with good, there’s good and there’s bad. Your most painful moments and your sweetest moment will be with your partner. This is a part of life.

 For!  “LOVE” of your own “Parents”? This is unselfish love, unrestricted.   

You want to give up everything you have to bring a smile on that child’s face. You go to work, and you are motivated in your work to bring home some food to your children, to give an income to them – you will give up your life’s savings for their education. THAT is what you call love!

No human being feels that type of love for another, except a parent for the child. And when you think about it, and when you experience parenthood, you understand the POWER of Allah’s creation, for verily; I swear by Allah, if the parents did not have this love for this child, no child could live on the face of this earth.

A child is given to you. A child will be handed over to you, and you will be told, this is your baby, this is your child, you are responsible for it, you have to take care of it. This child will take up most of your time, most of your energy, most of your wealth, your living will becomes dependant upon this child, and your entire life will change because of this child. The amount of sacrifice you must do cannot be measure in words, cannot be measured in figures, and cannot be measured in quantities. Those who have children and are growing up with them, they know what I’m talking about – and yet you have not experienced everything, because your children are still growing up with you.

Your parents have done that for you. Your parents have done that for you, and you don’t even realize it, because when you become an adult, you “know it all,” you’re the one who thinks they know better than their parents, you’re the one who wants to leave the nest and become independent. And you don’t realize that a mother’s love, a father’s love – once you leave that nest, it will never by the same. Once that parent goes away as well, you will never have that opportunity again.

Oh Muslims, this is the beauty of the cycle of life – that Allah ‘azza wa jel blesses all of us with parents. And then He blesses some of us with children, and those children grow up, and some of us are still alive. Some of us have our parents alive when we grow up – that’s why Allah says in the Qur’an: “If one or both of them are alive, take care of them” [17:23], because some of us don’t have that luxury.

One of the companions, famous companions, his mother passed away, and he was crying… greatly. So some of the other sahabas tried to console him, and they said: it’s alright, she is in Jannah inshaa’ Allah, she’s forgiven. They tried to console him. And he said, “Do you think I’m crying because she died? Of course I’m sad because she died, that’s not why I’m crying.”

Notice how the sahabas view things and how we view them. He said: “I am crying because my door to Jannah has been shut! And I don’t know if I got in or not.” She was my door to Jannah! That’s why I’m crying. My door to Jannah has been shut. I don’t know – was I a good enough son?! I don’t know – did I do what I needed to do?! There’s no other way for me except through her.

And he quoted, or he paraphrased an authentic hadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam when he said that the parent is the LARGEST door to paradise; the parents is the middle door to paradise, the parent is the MAIN door to paradise. It’s an authentic hadith.

So the Sahabi understood this. The death of a parent was not just a personal loss. It was a religious and spiritual loss as well: I don’t know whether I made it in or not…

A man came to Ibn Abbas, and he said: I have done this and I have done that, I have done this and I have done that. He listed a whole long list of sins, and he had just repented and come back to Islam. He said, “What can I do now?” Ibn Abbas said, “Are one of your parents alive?” He said, “Yes, my mother is alive.” Ibn Abbas said: “Go stick to her – go at her feet” – go service here – go give everything you have to her – “because I know of no other deed that forgives the amounts of sins that serving your parents does.” No deed can take that place of cleansing an entire life of evil, cleansing an entire lifetime of disease, than being good to your parents. Go to her, and give you entire body and soul to her – bring to her that happiness and joy, and that’s your only hope that I can see for you.

And he’s basing this as well on many hadith of the Prophet Salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam.

A man came to the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam, and he said, “Ya Rasool Allah” – this hadith is in Bukhari – “Ya Rasool Allah, I have come from Yemen” – the furthest corners of Arabia, nothing further than Yemen – “I have come from Yemen, in order to be with you!” He has now become a Sahabi – he has elevated his rank in history by visiting the Prophet Sallallaahu alayhi Wasallam! “…in order to be with you, and do jihad behind you. And in order to do so, I had to leave my parents crying at my loss and departure.”

He’s trying to boast, he’s trying to brag, he’s trying to show his status: I want to do this, and I even left my parents crying, in order to come here.

The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam asked him: “Do you want Jannah?” Meaning: is that your goal? You want the pleasure of Allah? He said: “Yes.” The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam said: “In that case, go back to them now, GO BACK TO THEM and make them laugh, just like you left them cry.”

 

Meaning: you want Jannah and you have done this? You want Jannah and your own parents are not happy with you? You will not be able to earn Jannah in any other way! Brothers and sisters, this man left everything to come to the Prophet of Allah salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam, he left everything to do jihad behind the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam, and the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi Wasallam is saying, you want Jannah? Go back to your parents, and be with them! Make them laugh like you have made them cry!

Do you understand the rights of the parents? Do you understand the Prophet of Allah is saying: do you really want Jannah and you’re coming to me? You’re coming to me to do jihad with me, and your own parents need you? He told that man to go back to his parents, and make them laugh like he had made them cry.

Oh Muslims, the status of parents is something that transcends even religion. Generally speaking; generally speaking, if a man or a woman is abusive to Islam, cursing Allah and His Messenger, we leave him alone – we don’t associate with him. There’s only one exception, and that exception is the parent. That exception is the parent.

Allah ‘azza WA jel says: even if your parents try to force you to idolatry,

وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلى أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ

They’re forcing you – they’re physically trying to shove you down in front of an idol – emotional blackmail, spiritual blackmail, whatever they’re doing – they’re doing jihad against you, to do shirk… Allah says:

فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا

“Don’t listen to them.” You can’t contravene the first principal which is la illah illaa Allah, BUT:

وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا

- “In this world” – leave their affair to Allah, “in this world, you must be good to them” (31:15) -

“Ma’roof”: be kind and just to them.

EVEN parents who are idol worshippers, who are mushriks, trying to force you to leave Islam, you still don’t have the right to be rude to them. If you can’t be rude to someone like that, then brothers and sisters, let us look at our own lives. When have we been rude to our mothers and fathers? When they show us love?

Oh brothers – especially the younger amongst you – Oh brothers, listen to me, and listen well:

The love that your mother and father have for you is a love you will never understand until you become a parent and are at that age. And the feeling that you have of being stifled with rules and regulations – that feeling is a feeling that you will miss – you will miss when you leave your parents’ nest. And you will be even stricter with your children when your time comes.

Don’t fool yourselves. You don’t understand the meaning of your parents’ love for you. Every rule and regulation they put upon you is because of their love for you – they want what is best for you. Every sing rule and regulation that they have upon you – every requirement, every desire – it is a desire for you, and not against you. You won’t realize it now. These are only going to be words to you. But when you have your own child, and you have raised that child in front of your eyes, and the child becomes a young man or a young woman, you will be even stricter upon that child than your parents were with you. Why? “Because you are living in this society”. You know what it means to be in this world. You know the ins and outs. Therefore, you’re going to be even more protective than your parents were.

Realize this, and pay heed to it. And understand that they only do this out of love for you.

And understand another part, which is ever more profound. And many of you will not fully comprehend it until the age comes. And that is: no matter what you think of your parents, in terms of their knowledge of this world, in terms of their knowledge of American culture, or their knowledge of civilization – no matter how you look down at them because of whatever they have or haven’t done – they have one thing that you don’t have. And that is experience – wisdom – age. Experience and wisdom is not taught in a book. You don’t learn it by studying. It comes by living through life.

And you as a 16/18 year old kid – you don’t know what experience is; you don’t know what wisdom is. Your mother and father have gone through life; they know what it means to live. Even if they speak with a different accent, even if they do things that to you look backwards, they are more knowledgeable than you of the mechanisms of human life. They understand emotions better than you. They know what it means to live amongst humans, because they have done it, and you haven’t -

And a time will come – trust you me – a time will come when you will regret that you didn’t take their advice more.

Right now, for many of you who are young, you trivialize their advice. You think, my parents don’t know anything. As a 16/18 year old, you know everything, and they, at 50, 60, they know nothing. A time will come when you would wish that your parents were still alive, so you can call them up and get their advice. A time will come when you will realize: my parents did indeed know this best.

And this is something that, you should pray to Allah that that time comes when you are still alive. Because it is possible – it is the Sunnah of Allah that children grow up, and their parents die before them – this is the Sunnah of Allah, the general rule.

We should strive our best to make sure, that when our parents die, whenever that happens – and we ask Allah to give all of us a long life, we should try and strive, that when they leave this world, they leave this world pleased with us, content with us, happy with us, knowing that we have done everything we can for them.

Because it is possible a parent will die… and you haven’t done your job – you haven’t done justice. And when that happens, you can never return the clock. You can never bring them back. And you will live the rest of your life in regret and remorse, now that this door of Jannah has been shut, and you don’t know whether you have entered it or not.

بارك الله لي و لكم في القرآن العظيم، و نفعني و إياكم بما فيه من الآيات و الذكر الحكيم. أقول ما تسمعون، و أستغفر الله العظيم لي و لكم و لسائر المسلمين من كل ذنب، فاستغفروه، إنه هو الغفور الرحيم… [Istighfar)...

When was the last time you looked at your parents and said in your heart, "Thank Allah (God) for these people"?

When was the last time you hugged your parents and said, "Thank you for the love and care you've given me, I love you so much"?

It is easy to love a parent who is kind, considerate, thoughtful and respectful. As a matter of fact, you may find that you want to be around them and really enjoy helping them or just hanging out. When the parent is mean, disrespectful of your time, tells lies on you to others so that you look bad and puts you down, it's not so easy to do these things out of love. You now do out of obligation and guilt. You can't wait to leave their home. That's bad.

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I repeat this... We should strive our best to make sure, that when our parents die, whenever that happens – and we ask Allah to give all of us a long life, we should try and strive, that when they leave this world, they leave this world pleased with us, content with us, happy with us, knowing that we have done everything we can for them.

Because it is possible a parent will die… and you haven’t done your job – you haven’t done justice. And when that happens, you can never return the clock. You can never bring them back. And you will live the rest of your life in regret and remorse, now that this door of Jannah has been shut, and you don’t know whether you have entered it or not.

Remember, your parents did all this for you, long before you could say a word. They did it, not because they had to, but because they loved you and they will keep doing it again and again, always and forever.

For them, loving you is like breathing, how can they stop?

May Allah make our efforts sincere and keep us all on the straight path...........

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And earn Sawab-e-Jariya...May Allah swt make it a source of Sawab-e-Jariya for u and me .Ameen

P.S.: "Have fun praying don’t forget to make dua for me...

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